


Bedtime questions

by badgertrout



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: 4-year-olds are a lot, Family Feels, Fluff, Gen, Hera is the best mom, I'm too tired to edit this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27214096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgertrout/pseuds/badgertrout
Summary: It's bedtime, but Jacen has questions about his existence.
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Kudos: 32





	Bedtime questions

Bedtime with a 4-year-old could vary from carrying said 4-year-old to bed after he had already fallen asleep somewhere else to spending 10 minutes chasing him around just to get him to change his clothes only for him to have a meltdown over his shirt being the wrong color. On this particular night it was luckily somewhere between the two scenarios. It had only taken five minutes of chasing Jacen around the Ghost to get him to go to bed. Hera was grateful of this. After spending the day in long, boring meetings, she was exhausted.

Once Jacen had wished Chopper goodnight, he insisted on being carried to bed.

“You’re getting quite big,” Hera commented as she picked up her son from the floor, where he’d thrown himself dramatically. It wasn’t as easy to pick him up as it had once been. She couldn’t help but wonder if all 4-year-olds were this dramatic or if it was just this one.

“But you’re strong,” Jacen replied, resting his head on his mother’s shoulder. By the time Hera had gotten him to bed and tucked him in, she could see he had lost his extra energy and was not too far from falling asleep. His eyes were barely open anymore.

“Goodnight, little love,” she whispered and placed a kiss on his forehead. As she turned to leave, she felt Jacen’s tiny hand grab onto her sleeve.

“Mommy, stay. Please,” he said in a tiny voice that made Hera’s heart break. She sighed. How could she deny him anything? She knew she should leave and get some work done before going to bed. Still, she decided to climb into the bed with Jacen instead, pulling him close. Jacen slept in Kanan’s old bunk, so there was enough room for the both of them. For two adults, it had been a tight fit, but for Hera and Jacen there was plenty of room.

“Is something wrong?” Hera asked and started to stroke Jacen’s hair. Usually Jacen only asked her to stay when he either wanted a bedtime story or had something on his mind.

“I don’t want you to go,” Jacen mumbled as he snuggled closer. Hera felt a pang of guilt in her chest. She’d spent the past few days stuck in meetings and had barely had any time to spend with Jacen. She knew what it was like to grow up with a parent who focused only on work, so she had always made sure to spend as much time as possible with her son. Still, she had to still do her duty, which meant that she couldn’t just bring him along everywhere she went. By now she could recognize when Jacen was just missing her, and now seemed to be one of those moments.

“Well, I’m not going anywhere,” she said. Jacen nodded, and the two of them settled into a comfortable silence, with Hera running her fingers through Jacen’s hair.

She thought that Jacen had already fallen asleep, when suddenly he shifted against her.

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

Jacen took a moment to think, before asking:

“Where did I come from?”

Hera was puzzled by this question, though she probably should have expected it. These days it seemed like Jacen had a million questions about everything. He had already asked about the hyperdrive, stars, and even grass, to the point where Hera had to do research on how grass grew to satisfy Jacen’s curiosity. It was only a matter of time before he stated asking where babies came from. It wasn’t like he had many opportunities to be around pregnant people to fully understand how reproduction worked.

“Do you mean how you were born?” Hera asked. Jacen nodded. Hera thought for a moment. She wished she had planned how to explain this to a 4-year-old beforehand.

“Well, first you were here,” she said, pointing to her abdomen, “and then when you were big enough, you were born.” Jacen poked at her playfully.

“I can’t fit there,” he said, like the whole concept was ridiculous.

“Well I was a lot bigger when I was pregnant with you. And you were a lot smaller,” Hera explained. Jacen sat up, and Hera sighed, knowing that getting him to sleep was now impossible.

“What’s pren… pregant?” Jacen asked, confused.

“Being pregnant is when someone has a baby in them,” Hera said. Jacen climbed on top of her, nearly knocking all air out of her.

“And I was your baby?” he asked, smiling.

“You still are,” Hera replied, pulling him closer and kissing his cheeks. Jacen laughed and squirmed out of her arms. Once he calmed down, he frowned.

“But how did I get in there?” he asked and poked Hera’s abdomen.

“You… your dad put you there,” Hera replied. This was the more difficult part to explain, for many reasons. Jacen laid down next to her, his eyes watching her face carefully.

“Dad’s dead,” he stated calmly.

“Yes, he is.” Hera had never tried to shield Jacen from the truth. They had talked about death and what it meant many times before. Hera wished she didn’t have to do it; a part of her wanted to keep all of the sad things about life away from Jacen for as long as she could. But it wasn’t a privilege that any parent, least of all Hera, could have. She’d realized that the truth was often better for a curious child like Jacen than a little white lie to soften the blow.

“Then how did he put me in you?” Jacen asked. Clearly, he was still having trouble grasping the whole concept of… well, his existence.

“He… Well, do you remember when we talked about cells when we were at the med center?” Hera said. A couple days ago he had bombarded everyone at the med center with questions about how wounds healed and why bruises happened whenever he fell or otherwise hurt himself. Luckily one of the doctors had been very patient with him and had taken the time to explain everything to him in detail.

“Yeah. They’re on my tongue,” Jacen replied, sticking out his tongue, “and on my hair” he pointed to his hair, “and on my hands!” He put his small hands on Hera’s cheeks. She smiled and pulled them away.

“Yes. You’re made of cells. All organics are,” she explained.

“You too?”

“Yes, me too. And well…” Hera took a few seconds to figure out how to phrase things, “Your dad had a specific cell that was needed for half of you.” She ran her finger down Jacen’s forehead down to the tip of his nose. “I had another cell, and when those two cells met, they started to make more, and that’s how you started to grow.”

Jacen thought the answer through. Hera hoped it would be enough – she didn’t want to explain anything in more detail for a few more years.

“So… You and dad put the cells here?” Jacen asked, poking Hera one more time.

“Yes.”

“And then I got bigger?”

“Yes. And then you were born, and I got to hold you,” Hera smiled.

“Did dad hold me?” Jacen asked. To him, it was just another one of his many questions, but to Hera, it was a reminder of everything that could have been.

“No. We talked about this, remember? He died before you were born,” she explained. “But I know that he would have loved you a lot,” she added quickly. Jacen seemed satisfied with this answer.

“Babies are small,” he said after a few seconds.

“Yes. You were too,” Hera replied. She hoped Jacen would soon get tired and finally fall asleep.

“But now I’m big.”

“Yes. And you’ll get even bigger. But only if you sleep enough,” Hera said, hoping Jacen would take it as motivation to sleep.

“How big? As big as you?” he asked, clearly excited at the thought of growing up, and not caring about sleeping.

“Maybe even bigger.” The chances were that Jacen would grow up to be taller than Hera, but she didn’t want to think about that day right now. She wanted her son to be her small child for a little longer.

“Bigger than Zeb?” Jacen asked, and Hera couldn’t help but laugh.

“Probably not,” she said. Jacen smiled, but soon frowned again. Hera knew to expect another question.

“Were you small?”

“Yes. Everyone is born as a small baby and then they grow up to be bigger.”

“Was Zeb small?” Jacen asked, clearly amused at the idea of Zeb ever having been any smaller than what he was.

“Yes.”

“And Sabine?”

“Yes.”

“Chopper?”

“No.” Hera laughed. The idea of a smaller version of Chopper was amusing yet somehow terrifying. Who knew what kind of trouble that droid could get into if he was any harder to keep an eye on? “Chopper is a droid. Droids don’t have cells, so they can’t grow. They’re made, not born.”

Jacen nodded and Hera could see that he was deep in thought again. She hoped that he would not start to question where droids come from next.

“Oh. Okay.” Finally, it seemed like Jacen was satisfied with all this new knowledge. He rested his head against Hera’s arm, and she began stroking his hair again.

“Goodnight, Jacen.”

The boy didn’t answer. It only took a couple minutes for him to fall asleep, but Hera stayed with him for a little while longer, just to enjoy the peace and quiet. Sometimes bedtime felt like a chore for both of them. Sometimes, but not always.


End file.
